Advent Assurances
Among my many quirks, here is one: I do not like to start a thing until I have thought it all the way through. I understand nuclear physics about as well as I understand how someone can get a new journal and begin penning any manner of things on those unsuspecting pages without a clear plan. Is it a diary? A book of affirmations? A grocery list? A collection of to-do items? It is all and none of these, apparently, but mostly it is chaos. For me, those blank pages will not be greeted by a single word until I have determined their singular, organized purpose.
There is a legitimate argument to be made for efficiency here (I think). But largely it is a vain effort for self-preservation, which—for me—extends well beyond normal evolutionary impulses and into neurotic territory. The primary narrative that (unconsciously) guided the first 3 decades of my life was this: you’re alone in this, you can’t tell anyone about it, and you just have to figure it all out for yourself. That meant no missteps. That meant being deliberate with each choice. That meant seeking to guarantee “success” as much as was possible. What on the surface might seem like a simple choice felt much more like a high-stakes battle for survival. I’ve evolved a lot in my life, but my brain still itches for those old neural pathways.
Of all the subplots of the Christmas story, this is perhaps one of the most beautiful: God does not seem to share my over-worked self-preservation impulse nor my demands for a successfully orchestrated plan. Most everything about the story, in fact, feels wild, unpredictable, haphazard. If God were anything like a politician, God would have orchestrated a full PR campaign to precede Jesus’ arrival, priming audiences for his pending stump speech. And yet, God seems keen on choosing the plan voted “least-likely-to-succeed” in high school. There are no guarantees, no assurances, just the flesh-and-blood vulnerabilities of humanity. Emmanuel.
My survival instincts tell me I am alone in this.
The Christmas story tells me God is with us.
If you’re looking for a space to explore the ways God is with you in this season, my next round of group spiritual direction begins January 13. There are two spots left. You can find all the info and secure your spot here.
If you’re unable to join in January but would like to join a future round, simply send a note through the registration page and I’ll add you to the waitlist for future dates.